


Mishandled

by pjordha



Category: The Haves and the Have Nots (TV)
Genre: Humor, Multi, Parody, Screenplay/Script Format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-04
Updated: 2015-10-04
Packaged: 2018-04-24 17:53:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4929418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pjordha/pseuds/pjordha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Harringtons and Cryers react to the twists and turns of Season 3.  Humor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mishandled

**Author's Note:**

> NOTE: For this fic, Wyatt's prison ordeal never happened. Story takes place not long after the Season 3 finale, Episode 61 "When the Chickens Come Home." Amanda's suicide is mentioned.
> 
> NOTE: Written in screenwriting software, but it had to be overhauled to fit Ao3's format.

"Mishandled _"_

**INT. CRYER MANSION HALLWAY - DAY**

 

**JIM CRYER walks down the hallway of his palatial home and stops short in front of his daughter Amanda's bedroom door. Yellow police tape is still hanging from the doorknob. He sighs remorsefully.**

 

JIM: Dammit, Amanda. Why did you have to take your own life?

 

**WYATT CRYER, heir apparent, drug addict, and vehicular manslaughterer, walks into the hallway carrying a bottle of expensive alcohol.**

 

WYATT: She probably did it to get away from you!

 

JIM: You shut your mouth! After getting your mother and me and the Harringtons arrested, I ought to throw your ass out on the street for good!

 

WYATT: You deserved it, all of you. If the Harringtons had been better parents, Jeffrey would probably have turned out normal like me!

 

JIM: You've _got_ to be kidding.

 

WYATT: And you? If you'd been paying attention to Amanda instead of screwing every ho in the state of Georgia, she'd probably still be alive--

 

**Jim punches Wyatt in the face.**

 

JIM: You little rat bastard!

 

WYATT: (laughing as he holds his face) The truth hurts, don't it? I've got lots of truis...truth-th-th...things that are true to dish out!

 

JIM: I liked you better when you were on drugs.

 

**The men continue arguing as HANNA YOUNG comes down the hall carrying an armload of freshly laundered towels. She rushes to stand between them, and they recoil.**

 

HANNA: Mr. Cryer, haven't we had enough violence in this house? Do you think this is what Amanda would have wanted?

 

WYATT: You tell him!

 

HANNA: Oh, shut up! My Bennie almost died because of you. I haven't forgot that, boy! You're as much a demon as your father!

 

JIM: Hey!

 

WYATT: I don't care. To hell with all of you! I don't need any of you! All I need is this.

 

**He holds up the bottle and kisses it.**

 

JIM: You really shouldn't goad me, son. I may have lost a daughter, but I've actually got two more sons in addition to you. Hell, I could go find myself a younger woman and knock her up, make a Wyatt 2.0 to replace you!

 

HANNA: Mr. Cryer!

 

**Wyatt defiantly swigs the alcohol as he stomps down the hallway. Jim throws his arms up in the air in frustration.**

 

JIM: You know, Hanna, between my evil son, my wife that hates me, my crazy baby mama maid, and the ghost of my poor disturbed daughter, I think you're the sanest person who's ever been in this house!

 

HANNA: Mr. Cryer, I have no doubt whatsoever that I _am_ the sanest person who's ever been in this house.

 

JIM: Thanks a lot.

 

HANNA: Besides the fact that you're a manipulative, philandering, heel of a man, you've just been arrested, _and_ you're still grieving for your daughter. You are out of your mind right now. And you have every right to be. All you can do is take it one day at a time and pray to the good Lord to give you strength. That's all you can do. That and keep your pants on.

 

JIM: You think it's easy? Women throw themselves at me. I'm rich, I'm white, and I'm blonde. And, God help me, I'm pretty good in the sack.

 

HANNA: I'll pray for you, Mr. Cryer. You need prayers, because I fear that you and your maleficent son will burn in the pit for all eternity.

 

JIM: Yeah, probably. What the hell am I supposed to do?

 

HANNA: (amiably) You can start by putting these towels away for me so I can go check on your wife.

 

**Jim takes the towels. They trade hesitant smiles and as she walks down the hall, he watches her go.**

 

_Pan down to show HANNA's backside as she walks away_

 

JIM: (surprised at himself) What the hell?

OPENING CREDITS

**EXT. CRYER MANSION LANAI - DAY**

 

**DAVID HARRINGTON is standing on the lanai looking upset. MAGGIE DAY approaches from the house.**

MAGGIE: David, we need to talk about your campaign for governor.

 

DAVID: I can't think about that right now, Maggie. Not after everything that's happened in the past few days. Being arrested, helping my son deal with stabbing that evil Quincy character...it's just too much. My head is spinning.

 

MAGGIE: I know, I know. That's why you need someone to talk to.

 

**Maggie puts her hand on David's forearm. Then she steps into his personal space.**

 

MaGGIE (CONT'D): I only want to help. I know you love your wife, and that we can only be platonic friends.

 

DAVID: Right.

 

**Maggie flips her hair out of her face and purses her lips.**

 

MAGGIE: So why don't we just make a few tentative plans, nothing major, just in case you decide to announce your campaign. We can simply jot down a few ideas on some note cards...that I have back in my hotel room.

 

DAVID: Uh...

 

**David's wife VERONICA HARRINGTON comes in with a glass of champagne.**

 

Veronica: Yes, David, why don't you take your little harlot back to your hotel room so you can defile each other? I hope you're remembering to use protection when you dip your dipstick in that tank.

 

MAGGIE: You know, Mrs. Harrington, after I helped get all four of you out on bail, one would think you'd be just a little nicer to me. How many times do I have to tell you that nothing happened between me and your husband? We only ever have been, and only ever will be platonic friends.

 

**Maggie touches David's face and gazes at him adoringly.**

 

MAGGIE (CONT'D) _(whispering suggestively)_ Right, David?

 

**David winces.**

 

David: Veronica...

 

VERONICA: Oh, I'm over it. I've moved on. Your replacement is younger, stronger, and more virile than you ever were. I'm going to meet him tonight, and I'm going to let him do things to my body that you've been begging me to do for decades!

 

DAVID: Veronica, you need help. You need to see a doctor.

 

VERONICA: No, _you'll_ need to see a doctor after laying down with her. Better get a prescription for penicillin. Who knows what you'll catch!

 

DAVID: That's uncalled for. Maggie is a good person.

 

MAGGIE: (sliding her hand inside David's shirt) Thank you, David.

 

DAVID: I want you to apologize to her right now!

 

VERONICA: Very well.

 

**Veronica stands in front of Maggie.**

 

VERONICA (CONT'D): I'm sorry...that you're a nasty, trifling whore.

 

**Veronica throws her drink in David's face and then pushes Maggie to the ground, making away with a fistful of blonde hair. She walks away, swinging her hips.**

 

DAVID: Veronica!

 

VERONICA: Have a nice day!

 

Maggie: _(crying as she holds her head)_ I think I'm bleeding!

 

DAVID: She's...complicated.

CUT TO:

 

**INT. CRYER MANSION KITCHEN - DAY**

 

**LANDON is in the kitchen looking over papers and occasionally sipping iced tea. JEFFREY HARRINGTON comes in the back door with his "baby momma" MELISSA.**

 

Jeffrey: Oh. I didn't know you'd be here.

 

Landon: My job working for the campaign doesn't end just because you're a masochist.

 

Melissa: Do you think this Quincy's family will try to retaliate against you, Jeffrey? I don't want you to get caught in the crossfire. He could have been a blood or a crisp or something!

 

JEFFREY: Uh--

 

**Wyatt stomps through the kitchen to get another bottle from the freezer. He looks at Landon, Jeffrey, and Melissa, and chuckles evilly.**

 

WYATT: This is like some crazy _Priscilla Queen of the Desert Brokeback_ Liberace drama right here.

 

LANDON: Hm. For someone so supposedly straight, you know an awful lot about gay culture. How is that?

 

WYATT: Shut up! I--I--

 

**Wyatt rushes around the corner and fiddles with opening the bottle.**

 

LANDON: I can't believe you dumped me for that closet case.

 

JEFFREY: What do you mean, closet case?

 

MELISSA: What do you mean, dumped you?

 

LANDON: Oh, didn't Jeffrey tell you? He came to my hotel room a few nights ago and threw himself at me. Sexually.

 

JEFFREY: Landon, don't.

 

LANDON: She deserves to know that you gave me the best thirty seconds of your life.

 

**Awkward glances between Melissa, Jeffrey, and Landon go on for way too long.**

 

MELISSA: Jeffrey?

 

JEFFREY: Look, Melissa. You probably find it hard to believe because of my super sexy, hypermasculine exterior, and because I'm such a babe magnet--

 

**Landon snorts. So does Melissa.**

 

JEFFREY (CONT'D): But you have to face the truth, Melissa. I like men. I like hot, muscular, not so hairy, not so clean shaven, testosterone-filled men. I'm sorry.

 

MELISSA: Uh-huh. So, do you want to sleep over tonight?

 

JEFFREY: Didn't you just hear me? I'm gay.

 

MELISSA: For now. You can't be gay once we're married and our baby is born.

 

**Landon does a spit take.**

 

JEFFREY: Look, I know my mother has a lot hanging over your head, but it stops right now. I'm not having anything to do with that baby, even if I am the father.

 

**Wyatt suddenly comes back into the kitchen.**

 

WYATT: Baby? Jeffrey? You nailed her?

 

JEFFREY: (proudly): As a matter of fact...I did.

 

WYATT: How?

 

JEFFREY: It wasn't hard--I mean...difficult.

 

**Landon rolls his eyes.**

 

WYATT: (confused) So, does this mean that you're...bisexual?

 

**Landon answers "No" just as Melissa answers "Yes" and Jeffrey answers "Maybe!"**

 

WYATT (CONT'D) _(suspiciously)_ Whatever. It's not like i care either way. You can all go have a big three-way for all i care!

 

**Wyatt looks all three of them up and down, blushes and bites his lip as he rushes back upstairs.**

 

LANDON: You're all insane.

 

MELISSA: Jeffrey, your mother says we have to start picking out china patterns for the wedding, so--

 

**Jeffrey grabs her purse and pushes her toward the back door as his gaze follows Wyatt's retreat.**

 

JEFFREY: Yeah, uh, thanks for coming, Melissa, I'll call you later, bye!

 

**Jeffrey slams the door on her, then adjusts his tie and breathes into his hand to check his breath.**

 

LANDON: I can't believe you.

 

JEFFREY: Look, I've been his best friend and sober companion for, what, at least 8 months now. He needs a shoulder to cry on. He needs someone to wipe his tears...help him to bed...help him change out of that tight T-shirt—

 

LANDON: I'm over it. I'm going to find a man who isn't ashamed of who he is, who doesn't pine after "straight" guys, and who especially doesn't use attractive young men all night only to dump them as soon as the lube dries up!

 

JEFFREY: Good luck with that. See ya later!

 

**Landon watches Jeffrey rush after Wyatt.**

 

LANDON: (confidently) He'll be back.

DISSOLVE TO:

 

**INT. CRYER MANSION LIVING ROOM - DAY**

**KATHERYN CRYER and Veronica Harrington sit on the couch, Katheryn rubbing her raw wrists of handcuff marks while Veronica continually checks her texts messages for...nothing. Hanna brings them drinks.**

 

HANNA: Can I get you anything else, Mrs. Cryer?

 

KATHERYN: No, thank you, Hanna.

 

VERONICA: Why don't you make yourself useful and rustle up some snacks. I'm going to be feeling a bit peckish later.

 

KATHERYN: Why?

 

VERONICA: (mysteriously) I think I'm going to be expending a lot of energy later this evening.

 

KATHERYN: On what, shopping?

 

**As Veronica laughs heartily the doorbell starts to ring. Hanna goes to answer and nearly slams the door in her daughter CANDACE YOUNG'S face when she opens it.**

 

CANDACE: Where the hell is my son? I know you have him, so where is he?

 

HANNA: None of your business! Social Services left him in my custody. I've got nothing to say to you, girl! Q is where he belongs!

 

KATHERYN: You're not welcome here, Number Nine!

 

VERONICA: Yeah! But first...how's your brother?

 

**As they continue yelling at her, Candace saunters into the house as if nothing is wrong and sits in a chair across from Katheryn and Veronica.**

 

CANDACE: No, don't ask me how I am. I just barely survived a murder attempt, no thanks to that idiotic social services lady giving Quincy my address. I could have been killed!

 

KATHERYN: Quincy. Was that Amanda's friend who beat Jim's ass in the study? I enjoyed that so very much. What ever happened to that sweet young man?

 

VERONICA: Actually, my son killed him with his own bare hands. Because he's a real man. A strong man. A _heterosexual_ man.

 

**Katheryn does a spit take.**

 

VERONICA (CONT'D) Rude!

 

HANNA: I'm not going to tell you again, Candace. You are not welcome here.

 

CANDACE: I'm not going anywhere without my son. I know you have him!

 

HANNA: Lord, I don't need this aggravation today! My house burned down, my new wig is too tight, and I'm hoarse from all this self-righteous crying!

_(shaking hands at the sky)_

Lord, why can't they just do right?

 

**Veronica and Candace roll eyes dramatically. When Jim and David come in the front door, Candace rushes toward them angrily.**

 

JIM: what in the name of Ronald Reagan is she doing here again?

 

DAVID: Haven't you done enough damage to this family, Candace?

 

CANDACE: I'll be doing a lot more damage to both of you if you don't get me my money back! I know you had something to do with Oscar or whatever the hell his name was stealing my hard-earned money. That's all that matters to me, so give it to me now!

 

VERONICA: I thought you came here for your son.

 

CANDACE: Oh...um. Yeah, him, too.

 

KATHERYN: Will someone get this woman out of my house, now?

 

JIM: I'll handle this, Katheryn.

 

KATHERYN: Well, handle it, Jim!

 

JIM: Katheryn!

 

KATHERYN: Jim!

 

**They trade angry stares for entirely too long.**

 

HANNA: I guess _I'll_ have to handle this!

 

**Hanna goes and physically grabs her daughter by the ear and leads her toward the kitchen. Jim is floored.**

 

JIM _(to Hanna as she passes by)_ Thank you, Hanna.

 

HANNA: You're welcome...demon.

 

**Jim and Candace trade evil stares as Hanna drags her into the kitchen. Then Jim's gaze travels down to Hanna's backside again. He leans close to his only friend, David.**

 

JIM: (sotto voce) David, let me ask you something: have you ever suddenly found yourself attracted to someone who was completely inappropriate for you?

 

DAVID: How many times do I have to say that nothing happened between me and Maggie Day?

 

JIM: Yeah, right. Seriously, have you ever had the hots for someone...you know... _old_?

 

DAVID: I'll admit that Maggie Day is beautiful, but for the past twenty-five years the only woman I've ever really wanted was...my wife.

 

**Both men look over at Veronica. She sees them, smiles demurely, and takes a lighter out of her purse and lights it.**

 

DAVID (CONT'D) oh, God.

 

JIM: Yeah, but, what would you do if you all of a sudden started having feelings of a sexual nature toward a woman who was--I can barely say it-- _your own age_?

 

DAVID: Well, well, Jim. Maybe you've finally matured enough to stop chasing skirt and devote yourself fully to your own wife.

 

**BEAT**.

 

JIM: Have you lost your mind?

CUT TO:

**INT. CRYER MANSION HALLWAY - MOMENTS LATER**

**Wyatt is sitting at his computer aimlessly playing a game. He looks over his shoulder to make sure no one is around, and then he types into an Internet search the words "gay black best friend sex" and hits enter. FOCUS on his widened eyes.**

 

WYATT: Whoa.

 

**Just then Jeffrey sneaks up and looks through the crack between the door and doorway. When he sees what Wyatt is looking at, a hopeful grin spreads across his face. He bites his bottom lip. He doesn't notice someone coming down the hallway...**

 

DAVID: Jeffrey, what are you doing, son?

 

JEFFREY: (guiltily turning around) Nothing! I was just looking for Wyatt. I think he may be drinking again.

 

**David shakes his head and places a hand on his son's shoulder.**

 

DAVID: Jeffrey. I hate to see you do this to yourself.

 

JEFFREY: Do what, Dad?

 

DAVID: Wyatt is a heterosexual, son. He likes women, just like his father. He's about the T&A. For him, it's about Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.

 

JEFFREY: I get it, Dad.

 

DAVID: I hate to see you waste your time on such a...well, I hate to speak ill of anyone, but...a loser as Wyatt. Especially when there's that nice young man right downstairs who would make a fine partner for you. Landon has a bright future ahead of him. I thought you liked him.

 

JEFFREY: I do. I did.

 

DAVID: Well, what happened? He's attractive enough, isn't he?

 

JEFFREY: Dad.

 

DAVID: You can talk to me, son. I'm not close-minded like your mother. So tell me: was he unable to please you sexually?

 

JEFFREY: Oh my God!

 

DAVID: Was he not well endowed enough for you, son?

 

**Jeffrey's eyes go wide with increasing agitation.**

 

JEFFREY: Dad, please!

 

DAVID: I'm just looking out for your welfare, son. You can tell your old man: have you given Landon your boogina?

 

**Jeffrey runs screaming down the hallway. David follows after him.**

DAVID (CONT'D) I'm sorry, son! I didn't mean to imply that you couldn't be a top! I love you either way!

 

**When they're gone Wyatt sticks his head out of the doorway.**

 

WYATT: (whispering to himself) Boogina?

 

CUT TO:

 

**EXT. BENNY YOUNG'S NEW HOUSE - LATER**

**BENNY YOUNG exits his tow truck and reaches for his ringing cell phone. He answers it cautiously, as he doesn't recognize the number.**

 

BENNY: Hello? Hello? Who's there? I don't have time to play games. I used to live in the hood, and I'm used to getting inside my house real quick before one of my neighbors jacks me up. Hello?

 

**A deep throaty laugh comes through the phone.**

 

VERONICA (V.O.) Mmmm...Benny Young, I've been thinking about you all day.

 

BENNY: Momma?

 

VERONICA: WHAT?

 

BENNY: I'm just playing. What are you doing calling me, Mrs. Harrington? Need me to bail your ass outta jail?

 

VERONICA: What a sense of humor. I haven't been with a man with a sense of humor since Bush was in office.

 

BENNY: Well, girl, you know how much I like bush!

 

VERONICA: _(rolling her eyes) W_ hatever. Listen, we need to meet right away. Can i come back to your tow yard?

 

BENNY: I don't know. You've got an arrest record now. My momma don't like me to cavort with bad types. You gotta give me a reason to say yes.

 

VERONICA: How about this?

 

**Benny's phone beeps to announce a text. He opens it and looks at a photograph.**

 

BENNY: Agh! What the hell is that?

 

VERONICA (V.O.)I think you know exactly what that is, lover.

 

BENNY: (looking queasy) Um, I'm gonna have to get back to you on that. For real. Later, woman.

 

CUT TO:

**INT. CRYER MANSION KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS**

 

**Veronica pulls her cell phone camera from under her dress and smiles maniacally at the screen.**

 

VERONICA: (to herself) Oh, Benny. You will give me what i want. And if you refuse, I'll just burn your house down.

 

KATHERYN (O.C.) What did you just say?

 

**Veronica swings around to find Katheryn at the doorway, looking at her strangely.**

 

KATHERYN (CONT'D) Did you just say you'd burn someone's house down?

 

VERONICA: Oh, Katheryn. You really should get some rest.

 

KATHERYN: I'm not tired. I need to wash the smell of that jail cell out of my hair about ten more times.

 

**Veronica pats her on the hand, gathers her things and heads toward the door.**

 

VERONICA: That's nice, dear. I think having a glass of wine is an excellent idea. I'll leave you to it.

 

KATHERYN: Are you all right? You don't seem yourself lately. If I didn't know better I'd think you were--

 

VERONICA: _(interrupting, happily)_ Having an affair?

 

KATHERYN: On drugs. You're not using again, are you?

 

VERONICA: What would you say if I told you I've discovered that I'm a panther, and that I've taken a lover my son's age, and he's a tiger in the sack?

 

KATHERYN: I'd say...it's time you went back on your meds.

 

**Veronica's wicked smile spreads slowly across her face, making her look like a beautiful African Mrs. Grinch.**

 

VERONICA: Let's do lunch real soon. Bye!

 

**Katheryn watches Veronica leave through the front door.**

 

KATHERYN: That bitch is crazy.

 

CUT TO:

 

**EXT. CRYER MANSION LANAI - CONTINUOUS**

**Hanna points her finger angrily at her daughter.**

 

HANNA: Candace, you better get out of here right now. I have custody of that baby and I'm never giving him up. Just get out of here!

 

CANDACE: What, are they letting you stay here now? I bet they have you in the slave quarters, don't they?

 

HANNA: _(throwing hands up in defeat)_ Oh, Lord, keep me from wringing this child's neck!

 

**Jim joins them on the lanai.**

 

JIM: No, by all means, wring that pretty neck. I'd like to watch.

 

CANDACE: Oh, Jim. You don't want to mess with me. Are we forgetting about the

_(whispering)_

\--photographs?

 

**Jim frowns.**

CANDACE (CONT'D) I bet your maid here would just loooove to see what Jim Cryer likes to get up to in basements!

 

HANNA: I don't care if you have pictures of this white devil chained to a pole in silk pajamas being cattle prodded by drag queens! You need to get out, now!

 

**Jim and Candace trade awkward stares.**

 

CANDACE: I'm not leaving here without my son and my money.

 

**Candace's phone rings. She picks it up.**

 

CANDACE (CONT'D) Hello? Benny? What's wrong?

 

CUT TO:

**EXT. BENNY YOUNG'S NEW HOUSE - CONTINUOUS**

**Benny is standing in his front yard amid trucks and men carrying furniture out of the house.**

 

BENNY: Candace, for real, you better come over right now. They're repossessing both of these houses! They're even taking the wide screen TV! They're gonna make me miss the game! The GAME!

 

CUT TO:

**EXT. CRYER MANSION LANAI - CONTINUOUS**

 

CANDACE: Oh, my God. I'll be right there.

 

HANNA: What's wrong with Benny?

 

**Candace flips her hair and glares at them both.**

 

CANDACE: I'll be back. And I want my money and my child. Or you'll both be sorry you ever met me.

 

**Candace rushes angrily to the door.**

 

JIM: _(to Candace's back)_ I was sorry the first time I got you on your back! You're not _that_ good.

 

CANDACE (O.C.) Oh, yes I am!

 

JIM: _(sighing, shaking head)_ Yeah, she was. She really, really was.

 

**Hanna glares at Jim.**

 

JIM (CONT'D) What?

 

**Before Hanna can reply, young QUINCY MAXWELL JR comes out onto the lanai, rubbing sleep from his eye.**

 

Quincy JR.: Grandmomma?

 

**Hanna struggles to scoop the boy up to her hip, as big as he is.**

 

HANNA: There's my baby! How are you, baby?

 

JIM: Baby? What is that kid, 8? 9?

 

HANNA: Well, I, uh, I don't rightly know.

 

QUINCY JR.: Did I hear my mommy earlier?

 

HANNA: Don't you worry about that, child.

 

JIM: It wasn't your mother, young man. It was a she-devil. A she-devil with trick hips.

 

QUINCY JR.: You're funny, Uncle Jim.

 

**Quincy Jr jumps out of his grandmother's arms and goes to stand by Jim, pulling on his arm so Jim will lean down to look at him face to face.**

 

JIM: What's up, young man?

 

QUINCY JR. My daddy was bad. I need a new daddy figure in my life so i won't end up in jail. Will you be my new daddy?

 

HANNA AND JIM (UNISION): Lord almighty!

 

**Hanna grabs her grandson and squeezes him to her chest possessively.**

 

HANNA: It's alright, Q. Why don't you go play while Grandmomma talks to this white devil?

 

QUINCY JR.: OK.

 

**Quincy Jr walks over to a table on the lanai where coloring books and crayons have been laid out for him.**

 

HANNA: Look, Mr. Cryer, I appreciate you and your wife letting me stay here with my grandson until we figure things out. I wouldn't ask, but, as you know, some demon--

 

JIM: --drove a car through your house and burned it down. Yes, I know.

 

HANNA: I have to think about what's best for my grandson. I had nowhere to go. I had him in a motel room! I just--I want to thank you again for this.

 

JIM: If you want to thank me, maybe we could limit "white devils" to once per day for a while?

 

HANNA: _(smiling)_ I'll try.

 

**Q rushes over to show them the picture he's drawn.**

 

QUINCY JR.: Grandmomma, Uncle Jim, look!

 

**The drawing depicts the huge mansion with crude stick figures in front of it. Two large adult figures are holding hands with a third, child size figure.**

 

JiM: And who are these three, Q?

 

QUINCY JR.: Why that's Grandmomma, me, and _you_ , Uncle Jim!

 

**Hanna and Jim share an awkward glance.**

 

HANNA: Q, you better go up to your room now, OK?

 

**They watch him go back inside the house with his "family" drawing. Hanna fidgets nervously.**

 

HANNA (CONT'D) I'll go get dinner started, Mr. Cryer.

 

JIM: That's fine.

 

**Jim watches her go, then pulls out his phone.**

 

JIM (CONT'D) _(into phone)_ It's me. I need you to find out everything you can on seducing older Black Christian ladies. What? I don't know, between 30 and 60, i can never tell. Just do it!

 

**He snaps his phone closed.**

 

JIM (CONT'D): White devil, indeed.

 

CUT TO:

 

_NEXT TIME ON THE HAVES AND THE HAVE NOTS_

 

**_Veronica stretches out atop Jeffrey's car at the tow yard as Benny looks on._ **

_VERONICA: Does this turn you on, Benny?_

_BENNY: Not really, but...I can't watch the game, so, bend over._

 

CUT TO:

 

**_Wyatt comes out of Jeffrey's bathroom in nothing but a towel._ **

 

_JEFFREY: I feel like you're sending me mixed signals! Maybe you're confused!_

_WYATT: I'm not confused! I'm straight. I'm only consumed with thinking about your gayness because I'm so straight!_

_JEFFREY: That makes no sense!_

 

WYATT: Yes, it does!

 

CUT TO:

 

**_Jim catches Hanna without her wig on and wearing an old bathrobe._ **

_JIM: Can...can I touch your hair?_

_HANNA: Do it and you'll draw back a nub._

_JIM: God, I love you._

 

**END CREDITS**

Copyright 2015 by KTA


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